Florida seems to be the breeding ground for Presidential election problems. In 2000 it was hanging chads and voter irregularities. This time around, the aftereffects of the last hurricane to batter its beleaguered coast threatened to dampen the first round of the Presidential Debates hosted by Avenue Q and held at Father Duffy Square earlier this afternoon. President George W. Bush and Senator John Kerry proved to be made of sterner stuffing and disregarding the at times torrential downpour, treated the crowd to a fifteen-minute question and answer session.

The proceedings were hosted by Avenue Q's Rod, still aglow from his time spent at the recent Republican National Convention. After expressing confusion over whom he should vote for in this presidential election, Rod (a self confessed Republican since diapers) invited Bush and Kerry to the stage, accompanied by umbrella toting 'men in black' and their handlers (Rick Lyon and Jennifer Barnhart, respectively). For phase one of the debate, each candidate was given thirty seconds to describe how he would steer the country in the next four years. President Bush, reminding the voters of the $300 he sent in 2001, promised to up the national deficit and send a Hummer this time around. Senator Kerry promised to "do [his] best to solve this morass we're in in Iraq and provide affordable health care for all citizens." (Other promises seemed to involve not privatizing Social Security, stopping runaway spending and curbing the deficit, but at that point everyone fell asleep so who's to tell).

Next came a Q&A with the concerned citizens of Avenue Q. Lavinia Thistletwat started things off by expressing concerns about marriage, namely that "these unmarried uncles and spinster aunts want to marry each other!" President Bush promised to amend our contrinution in order to keep the homosexuals away from marriage. After all, he stated, "heterosexuals have done such a wonderful job with marriage, I don't know why we should let the homos screw it up." Senator Kerry's response was to let President Bush know, via a snappy number, that if he was gay, it would be OK and that "the U.S.A would like [him] anyway" and "what should it matter to me what you like to do with Dick." (to which President Bush pointed out that Senator Kerry had voted against gay marriage).

The next concerned citizen, Brian, questioned the lack of job creation that occurred during President Bush's term. (President Bush agreed with Christmas Eve that Brian needed to get off his fat lazy ass and get a job). Kate Monster then stepped to the mic to express concern over the negative campaigning that has occurred during this election, especially over Senator Kerry's Vietnam War record. When she pointed out that while Senator Kerry served three tours of duty in Vietnam, President Bush "jumped ahead of 150 men and women waiting to get into the National Guard" and that there was no proof that he had even fulfilled the obligations for his service with the National Guard. President Bush explained all that by noting (through a jaunty number, naturally) that "ever since I was a little kid I known what to do with annoying pieces of paper that try to get to you to do stuff you don't want to do, like a draft card: tear it up and throw it away."

That concluded the debates, which had to draw to a close as Bombay Dreams and Red Lobster were going to host the Vice-Presidential Debates. But with Rod still confused, the rest of the people in his neighborhood urged him to "Vote Your Heart" (in a spontaneously a cappella arrangement, as the keyboard shorted out due to the rain at that moment).

Jeff Marx and producer Robyn Goodman
watch from the sidelines

Photographs © BenStrothmann.com
These photos may not otherwise be reproduced, distributed, cropped, resized, or otherwise altered without the written permission of the photographer. No commercial use of these photos may be made in any way. All rights are reserved.