Leah Spillman, Mollie Millegan, Cara Statham Serber, Allison Tolman, and Mikal Evans

That of course is the running joke when trying to explain the "plot" of a porn film. It is strange enough to have plots for smut, but how about trying to create a musical from one of those blue films of the '70s?

Erica Schmidt, Andrew Sherman, and Susan L. Schwartz created a stage musical from the porn flick Debbie Does Dallas, and their show opened Off-Broadway at the Jane Street Theater in 2002. Starring in the lead role was Sherie Rene Scott (Broadway's Aida) who picked up the pom-poms to become this gal from the Lone Star State. The musical ran through February 2003.

Dallas's Kitchen Dog Theater has now grabbed the megaphone to cheer loud and proud that they are presenting the Texas regional premiere of Debbie Does Dallas - The Musical.

A musical's score usually tends to be better than the book, but with this musical, the book is much stronger than the score. The score is an assemblage of '70s porn themes and soft rock. But the majority of the songs are just empty filler music. The lackluster songs slow down the pace and flow from the side-splitting book. It does not help that the lion's share of the songs are assigned to the women, leaving the men out in the cold. The songs contribute little if no real sense of character development, subtext, or organic truth. Instead many rely on quick and dirty jokes. They were obviously not written to show off the vocal power of its actors, for none of the songs give them anywhere to go vocally.

However, there are three decent songs that stand out both in performance and in composition (Kitchen Dog Theater's program for this production does not offer a song list or titles). One is a rip-roaring song sung by Mr. Hardwick (Lee Trull) about his array of candles (look at the character name again!); another stand out tune is sung by Rick (Jeffrey Schmidt) as a rock homage to Debbie; and the real hit of the night is a bluesy, torch song ballad sung by Lisa (Allison Tolman).

The humor and writing in this show is for adults. It is trashy, vulgar, brassy, and full of sexual innuendos and double entendres. Sure, the characters are written as cardboard stiffs (no pun intended), but the comedy written for them is so hilarious, naughty, and down right hysterical that the lack of strong character development can be forgiven.

The book centers on Debbie's journey. She has been accepted as a Cowgirl cheerleader in the big city of Dallas, but she needs money to get there. So she and her cheerleader friends create "Teen Services" (let your mind roam on that one, folks). Debbie also has to contend with her football star boyfriend who doesn't want her to go to Dallas.

Sadly, the major pitfall for this production is its canned/taped music. I completely understand the cost of having a live band or orchestra. But taped music severely damages an actor's performance, tempo and pace. Any "in the moment" situations are just thrown out the door, and these problems occurred frequently during the performance I attended. The musical and sound cues on tape caused actors to look lost, confused, frozen, or simply left standing, waiting for the cue on tape to play. After moments and scenes that resulted in loud, prolonged laughs, the performers couldn't play with the comedic moment or generate more laughter; they had to let it go and move on at the pace of the taped music, which was going to play on with or without them. It is also odd that original star Scott's voice from the Off-Broadway cast recording was used for some of the voiceovers instead of the voice of the current actress. Singers and soloists were frequently drowned out by the canned orchestrations. None were miked, so several of the numbers that you know had hilarious, deliciously wicked lyrics just not be heard over the music. It would have greatly benefited the production to have even a two piece combo of piano and drums. Anything would have worked better than the taped music.

Michael Sullivan's scenic design resembles a football field, with goal posts on either side of the stage. The centerpiece is designed to look like the tunnel football players use to enter the field from the locker room. For some scenes, pieces of cartoonish set pieces are brought on or off.

The lighting designed by Suzanne Lavender is workable if somewhat devoid of color. There is a lot of dimming and bringing up of a sea of basic beige lighting - no real eye-popping colors or designs bathed the set in more than a couple of numbers.

Terra Watson's costumes are quite pleasing, especially the cheerleader outfits for the girls. It brought back memories for me as they were in my high school colors of blue and gold.

The staging and blocking by director Tina Parker is out and out rollicking. There is no nudity or actual whoopee on stage, but the staging gives you enough imagery and visuals to have you guffawing out loud constantly. Parker loads the visual jokes with props or uses just a simple blocking movement that brings the humor right on target. The pace is quick and fluid. She has allowed her actors to explore and really add to their characterizations, and it shows. Actors are all over the stage, but with reason and intention. You get a sense that both director and actor truly combine their talents to create and generate the best possible laughs within the book. They are also are on the same page to bring out individual, unique characterizations from the myriad of roles some performers had assigned to them.

The entire cast is wildly funny. Here are the gals that make up Debbie's cheerleader pals:

Mikal Evans portrays Donna, who tends to do a lot of stretching and has a risqué song involving dancing bananas. Roberta is played by Mollie Millegan, a girl who is all ponytails and does not have a brain cell working between those ponytails. Finally, there is Tammy, played by Leah Spillman, who resembles Saturday Night Live's Amy Poehler. Tammy has aspirations to be in the Senate one day and has constant fears that Teen Services will tarnish her permanent record. All three actresses provide resounding laughs with their facial expressions and comedic chops.

There are three men in the cast who play all of the various male citizens of this unknown Texas town as well as part of the football team. Joel Oglesby has some sturdy laughs as Mr. Greenfelt and Kevin. Greenfelt is the owner of a sports shop, while Kevin is the jock who somehow has a crush on Rick, the football star. Lee Trull is utterly hilarious in his various characterizations, including a Spanish guy, a dull record shop owner, and a football jock who dances like Michael Jackson. For all of these characters Trull uses excellent dialects, which are backed up by strong comedic timing, pace, and delivery.

In the title role and carrying the cheerleader captain's pom-poms is Cara Statham Serber. With her blonde mane fashioned like Farrah Fawcett Majors circa 1970 and glitter lipstick, Serber gives a very satisfying performance as Debbie. For the majority of the evening she shows good comedic timing, pace, and energy. This talented actress also uses her facial expressions to show the innocence that is within Debbie's moral value system. You get a sense that Serber is not totally in sync with her fellow cast members or the ribald, risqué subtext that is within the fabric of the book. There are times that she seemed a beat behind everyone else in the comedic elements. The role requires a larger than life persona, and Serber seems to go in and out of that framework. I've seen her in other musicals, so it was a little surprising that I could not hear her singing in some of her solos. Either she was not projecting or pushing her volume, or the taped music simply overpowered her voice. I thoroughly enjoyed her performance very much; once she gets a couple of more performances under her belt she will ease more into the role and match the comedic undertones that the others have on stage.

Jeffrey Schmidt and Allison Tolman steal the show with their uproarious performances. Tolman is Lisa, the hard, brassy, slightly butch cheerleader who also happens to be the school tramp. She constantly tosses her brown hair, teased to death, seductively like a '70s porn queen. Her make up is red blush slapped across her face and eyes caked in ice blue eye shadow. This extremely talented gal uses her body to achieve comedy gold. But it is her flawless comedic timing, pace, delivery, and facial expressions that make her characterization stand out among the girls. She just has to use a flick of her eyebrow or a tilt of her head to bring home a joke. Tolman also has the strongest singing voice of the evening. She warbles her torch song into a glitter microphone with a mike stand that is covered in black feathers and red lights in the best vocal number of the night. She has a natural soprano voice that is backed up by a sturdy vibrato. Tolman is marvelous in the role.

Jeffrey Schmidt is one of a few actors who can master both comedy and drama with equal, dazzling talent. This actor has yet to give a bad performance. He continues to impress with his neverending talent in the worlds of comedy and drama. And now a musical - the guy can do it all. As the stud jock Rick, Schmidt gives his character a jittery, jumpy, frenzy energy. Schmidt's Rick is a guy whose raging hormones are about to make him go crazy at any minute. The facial expression, timing, pace, and delivery within his comedic craft are impeccable. The subtext in all of his characterizations is all there in black and white. Schmidt also has one of the best performed numbers of the night, when he sings what he wants to do with Debbie. Very adult lyrics, but they will have you laughing non-stop. I had never heard Schmidt sing on stage; he has a very nice tenor voice with a really good vibrato. His performance here is extraordinary.

If vulgar, naughty, nasty, risqué, and very adult humor offends you, this is not the musical for you. But if you love a wicked laugh or sometimes want a slightly burlesque type of adult musical comedy, then grab your pom poms firmly and rush to the KDT box office. As Debbie and her cheerleader gal pals say throughout the evening, "Hugs!"

Debbie Does Dalls runs through December 17, 2005. Performances in the Heldt/Hall Theater at the McKinney Avenue Contemporary (The MAC) located at 3120 McKinney Avenue in Uptown. Ticket prices range from $15-$25 for adults, $10-$20 for MAC, STAGE, KERA, DART and TCG members and $8-$12 for students & senior citizens /60+. Special group and holiday party rates are also available. All tickets are general admission seating. Performances are Thursday through Saturday evenings at 8PM, with additional performances on Wednesday at 8pm (Nov 16, 23, 30 and Dec 7 and 14) & Sunday matinees at 2pm (Nov 3, 10, 17 & Dec 1, 8, 15). There will be no performance on Thanksgiving Day - Thursday, Nov 24. Talk-Backs with the actors and director follow the Sunday matinee performances. Pay-What-You-Can specials (available to the first 25 patrons nightly) are on all Wednesday and Thursday performances. For tickets & reservations, Call KDT box office at 214-953-1055 or buy online at www.kitchendogtheater.org.

This production contains adult language and situations and is recommended for mature audiences only.

Debbie Does Dallas - The Musical (Texas Premiere)
By Erica Schmidt, Andrew Sherman, and Susan L. Schwartz
Kitchen Dog Theater
Directed by Tina Parker
Choreographed by Kourtney Ketterhagen
Scenic Design by Michael Sullivan
Lighting Design by Suzanne Lavender
Costume Design by Terra Watson

CAST:

Donna…………………...........…Mikel Evans
Roberta…………………..........Mollie Millegan
Greenfelt, etc………....…….Joel Oglesby
Rick, etc……………….......….Jeffrey Schmidt
Debbie………………..........……Cara Statham Serber
Tammy……………...........………Leah Spillman
Lisa……………………..........….Allison Tolman
Hardwick, etc………….....……Lee Trull

Photo: Matt Mrozek

--John Garcia