Here in my little world we go to the theatre. We drink. We smoke. We eat. We take cabs and subways. We go to museums. The list is endless. In my world I review everything that happens to me on the day that I go to the theatre. Nothing is sacrosanct and everything is subject to my contempt or acclamation. Give me the hook or the ovation but remember it's my world and you're just living in it! Welcome to my world...

On Saturday we celebrated my roommate's birthday. We enjoyed our breakfast, while Stephanie opened her gifts. The entire afternoon we lounged around sipping Cliquot Mimosas and perusing the Times.

At 5:00 we hopped a cab for the Metropolitan Museum Of Art. The Met is such a mammoth museum that I much prefer to see one exhibit at a time. This trip we chose the "Wardrobe/Wordrobe" exhibition in the Costume Institute. This particular exhibit dealt with the use of text in clothing. We were interested to see such ephemera as paper dresses from the 1800's with newsprint, to a Warhol inspired Campbell Soup disposable dress from the Sixties. McFadden's Arabic text and finely pleated gowns from the Eighties showed a patent homage to Fortuny's couture from the 1930's. There were Dior's constructed "New Look" cocktail dresses with Chinese calligraphy from the Forties as well as Gaulthier's ensembles with similar Chinese text from the Eighties. My favourite couturier, Elsa Schiaparelli had a gown in the show. Her fantastic designs and collaborations with such luminary giants as Jean Cocteau and Salvador Dali were unprecedented at the time. She was truly a great pioneer and creative genius of her day.

At 6:00 we decided to walk across the street to Nica's in The Stanhope Hotel for a pre-theatre diner. We opted to eat in the bar as it seemed a little more relaxed than the formal dinning room. Both the restaurant and the bar have been lovingly restored by restaurateur Frederick Lesort, of former Cafe Tabac fame. We started off with a bottle of Veuve Cliquot and split the codfish terine appetizer. Codfish is a very salty fish, which I adore. It's rather caviar-like saltiness may turn some people off, however I loved it. For dinner I had the Salade Niciose, which was as beautifully presented as it was tasty. It had those cute little quail eggs. Don't you just love those things? I wanted to pick them up and give 'em a little hug! I don't know about you, but I just love eggs! But as cute as those tiny things were, they just weren't enough. Not to worry, there are boiled eggs on the bar (it's a working-class French thing). Our charming waitress was nice enough to peel and slice a couple for us.

Mmm, that does the trick! As we were eating our dinner we overheard three skanky women asking a couple if they wanted to have their Scarlet Pimpernel tickets. The couple thanked them but said they'd rather not go. Then that Philistine said that, they just decided to have a "girl's night out," instead. You know what that means? I think they wanted to "get some," if you know what I mean. For dessert Stephanie chose the chocolate tart, which arrived with (surprise), a candle. The staff stood around and sang "Happy Birthday," which I thought was really nice! The pastry was a delicious ending to a wonderful dinner, but we didn't have time to dally as it was already 7:40!

Let me tell you, finding a cab that time of night is not an easy task. Since the taxi line was four couples deep we ran over to Park Avenue and after five minutes we aggressively snagged a cab. At 7:55 we were stuck in traffic at Forty-Fifth and Fifth, so we jumped out and ran as fast as we could to the Belasco Theatre on Forty-Fourth between Sixth and Seventh. Dodging cars and pedestrians we made it to the theatre at exactly 8:01. Gasping for our breath we took our seats and the curtain rose.

Jackie, an American Life. I must admit that after seeing the commercials on television I was expecting a rather "corny dad" production. However, I was more than pleasantly surprised. And by the end of the first act, I had about laughed my ass off!

Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onasis is the eye in the storm of this farcical tempest. She stands alone as the only character in the play who is saved from parody. Margaret Colin's portrayal is an amazing homage to the great first lady. If you've ever seen the tapes of Jackie's White House tour, then you'll be stunned at Ms. Colin's uncanny impersonation.

The story is a riotous roller coaster ride through Jackie's life where seven actors portray over one hundred different characters. Gip Hoppe's rapidly paced direction of the piece grabs the audience by the scruff of the neck and doesn't let go for the entire two hours and fifteen minutes of the production. Mr. Hoppe's writing is indeed hilarious but it's David Gallo's highly inventive sets and Susan Santonian's costumes that send the production way over the top. Mr. Gallo has to be one of the most talented scenic designers in recent years. I loved his work on Bunny, Bunny, which garnered him four honors, including an Outer Critics Circle award. I don't want to give anything away, but the appearance of his "Joe Kennedy" is astounding hilarity! Susan Santonian's costume for little Lee Bouvier sent me into such complete hysterics that I haven't a clue as to what the actors were saying! Bravo!

Now some people will say that the show is akin to a college production. Well, by god I say it's damn funny! Some little guy in front of us turned to us during intermission and said, "I hope you didn't pay much for this. This is like a college show." How rude, especially since he was laughing his ass off! We informed him that we go to the theatre at least once a week and we were loving it! Then he said, "Have you seen Chicago? Now, that's a great show!" Um, hello! Two words, apples and oranges. The last time that we were in the Belasco we saw A Doll's House. The shows are obviously on the opposite end the spectrum, but who says you can't love them both? We sure did!

After the show we walked over to Joe Allen's on Forty-Forth. I love that place but it was packed and I never stand at the bar so we walked over Don't Tell Mama's. Once again we were told that there was a thirty minute waiting list. Thanks, but no thanks. You know, I can't even remember the last time I went to the theatre on a Saturday night. And now I remember why I prefer Sundays. There are just too many people out there. Give me a nice quiet Sunday night or matinee performance any day! Thank God, we were able to snag a little table at Barrymore's on Forty-Fifth. There was not much going on, so when we had finished our Camparis we decided to leave. Well, I'll be damned, guess who was there holding the door open for us? F. Murray Abraham! What a gentleman!

We decide to go have a night cap so we strolled up to Martini's on Fifty-Third and Sixth. Closed. But what's that I hear? Aye fer fuck sakes if ain't some bleedin' bagpipers o'er there jest playin' their arses off! We went over and joined the crowd listening to them play. Fiddle de de, but it warms me little potato lovin' heart listening to those Irish jigs. I tell you, standing there in the chill of the Autumn night, hearing those bagpipes, watching the people dance around and looking down at the glorious lights of Broadway is a magical moment! God, I love my city!

We thought we'd go someplace closer to home so we went to 57/57 in the Four Seasons to top off the night. While we were enjoying our cocktails, the table next to us stood up and I could have sworn that I saw the author Frank McCourt. I loved his Pulitzer prize winning memoirs, Angela's Ashes and just had to meet him. So, I asked the lady next to him, "Excuse me, but is that Frank McCourt?" She proudly opened her jacket and pointed to some hideous sequined vest and said, "Oh my vest?" To my astonishment it was some vulgar imitation of a poor man's Bob Mackie and frankly it was making me nauseous.

"Oh, God!" I wanted to scream. "Get that thing away from me. You're blinding me!" Instead, I apologized for having bothered her and bid her a good night. Whatever.

In closing, if you love fashion like I do, then you need to run up to the Metropolitan Museum Of Art. The Costume Institute is located to the far right past the Egyptian stuff and down the stairs. When you're finished with that then you must go have lunch or dinner at Nica's in The Stanhope Hotel, across the street. Not, hungry? No problem, pop in for a cocktail at the bar or a cappuccino on the terrace. Both afford great people watching! If you decide to have dinner there, then you should leave by at 7:15, if you need to make an 8:00 curtain. If you want to see a production that moves at break neck speed and will have you laughing and smiling all the way. Then you should consider Jackie, An American Life. It's most entertaining! Remember that Joe Allen, on Forty-Sixth is packed on Saturdays, so get there early or go somewhere else. If you want to run into some Triumph of Love stars then head on over to Barrymore's on Forty-Fifth. And if you want a place that has comfortable chairs and a nice quiet setting then pop into 57/57, located at 57 East Fifty-Seventh Street. And if you haven't already, you should really read Angela's Ashes. It's a wonderful book! By the way, Frank McCourt is an author, not a tacky vest!

See you next Thursday with a special double header packed with celebrities,

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