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| re: You're a cougar | |
| Posted by: BruceinIthaca 03:25 pm EST 01/07/18 | |
| In reply to: re: You're a cougar - KingSpeed 11:30 am EST 01/07/18 | |
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| I wrote my quick response on my Pad, which tends to lead me to under explain--my bad. Let me clarify: 1. I have followed Dramedy's posts long enough to know he is a likable and friendly spirit on this board, and I wasn't accusing him of being actually predatory. He has been honest (and funny) about the fellas in the theatre he finds attractive and never in a skeezy way, so I was less accusing him of anything untoward than suggesting some phrases may not be the best choices, given the current climate; 2. Yes, I know chicken haw can be used for older man who have attraction to usually much younger men, of legal age or not, and I have no issue to raise about Dramedy's pleasures at gazing at and fantasizing about Zac Efron, who is fully an aduld. De gustibus non est.... as the Romans said. But the "hawk" part often does seem to me to have negative connotations--something predatory in it. I can imagine the poster saying it in a way that has a wink and self-referential quality that really refers to his own tastes. Harder to use the term in print and have that come across. That was my only point. For example, if he had said he thought Iain Armitage was adorable and that made Dram a "chicken hawk," I doubt any of us would be okay with that. I would agree with anyone that we as a culture and as a nation have complicated, sometimes self-contradictory laws and attitudes regarding what the age of consent and adulthood are (see the disputes over Call Me By Your Name, a film I haven't yet seen, as it hasn't come here yet). I also think, among a group of middle-aged gay men, calling oneself a "chicken hawk" may be more acceptable as a kind of somewhat ironic, self-knowing campy acknowledgment of an attraction to youth--I don't think Efron really qualifies as "chicken" anymore. Anyway, enough. 3. Yes, in any moment, I would be opposed to older men taking advantage or forcing themselves on younger, more vulnerable men (how vulnerable Efron is is open to considerable discussion, I would wager). I'm also opposed to ANYONE trying to force themselves on anyone else, but I also know the older man/younger person (female more often than male, but I've seen it happen with both sexes, though much less with women forcing themselves on men). I think THIS is a particular difficult and problematic times even to be joking about it, particularly on a public forum, where some of us have followed Dramedy's various enthusiasms (and not just around handsome men, but around theatre and, it would seem, life in general--and good for him!) with some pleasure and enjoyment, but some may not. I think I may have been feeling a little protective of someone who seems like he would be good to have as a friend, but who occasionally might blurt something out (like we all do). I apologize if that seems patronizing to him or if I seemed to suggest that once everything "calms down," we can all go back to the way things were before women (and men) spoke up about unwanted and sometimes forced actions. As the song says, "We can never go back to before"--and a good thing, I say, as someone who, at 25, was also the victim of unwanted attentions, by an older man who held my job future in his hands (I didn't keep the job). It was a long time ago, in another country, but you never quite forget it. Anyway, sorry to have turned what was, I am sure, meant as a light-hearted appreciation of Mr. Efron's .... talents into a sermon. Enjoy the Globes, everyone. |
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